just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
