I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
