I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He felt like a one man threesome
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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