My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
