Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
