I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
