is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
