remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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