my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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