$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Watching her eat just hurts me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
