Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
