CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
