i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
