btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
