i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
