i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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