He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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