whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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