First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
