i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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