its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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