You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
