forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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