i just google imaged poop.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
false alarm, still single
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
