i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
