I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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