remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
