he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
