I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
