shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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