It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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