Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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