Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
