i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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