His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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