her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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