i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
