so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
