I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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