i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
