Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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