all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
