I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
