I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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