Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
