my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
