so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
