I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
