i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
