I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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