Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
third nipple confirmed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
