Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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