exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
