So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
